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Dropping Stitches
Pairing: one-sided TomoSaku
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: …uh, I should list "arousal" here, I think.
Summary: Loving Sakura was a strange and beautiful thing. And Tomoyo had never been so aware of Sakura’s body, before. Fluff, slight angst.
Author's Note: This was written for the Clampkink Anon Meme on LJ, filling the prompt: CCS-verse, Tomoyo/Sakura, 'Undressing.' Tomoyo loves making clothes for Sakura, but the part of the process she likes the most is when she's changing in and out of them.
***
Loving Sakura was a strange and beautiful thing. It was like falling forwards in a dream, falling, and falling, and falling, and knowing she would land softly, even though the process was scaring her almost as much as the notion that she could wake before ever reaching ground. It was like floating underwater with goggles, making everything look illuminated in pale colors, glowing, and movements strangely slow, and it gave her the feeling that she was holding her breath and afraid she wouldn’t come up again. It was like being in bed with a cold in the midst of summer, heat pressing down from every direction and coldness sending weak shivers down her spine, while she was watching the sun melt into the world in an almost unreal, silent way she had never noticed before.
Tomoyo’s love for Sakura had always been a steady, calm presence. It was a decision she never needed to make. It was devotion. This love wasn’t about moving forwards or even backwards, it was just there. And in the end, most definitely it wasn’t about Tomoyo.
She didn’t talk much about it, because there was nothing so say. Sakura was Sakura and love was love, and if someone didn’t understand that she might as well try to explain breathing. Sakura was what made breathing joyful and hard at the same time, and what made her dream of floating and heat at night. This love was something that she never would share, and it was the most precious thing Tomoyo held dear.
This afternoon, Tomoyo was basking in Sakura’s presence, in her blushes and in her smile. And now, in the warm, golden afternoon light that floated in through the windows of Tomoyo’s room, she looked all but angelic, swirling one last time in the long, white gown that Tomoyo had sewn for her. That reminded her too much of a wedding dress, even while she whispered vows and sweet words into the fabric. And she sat on her broad bed and watched over her friend, always at the exact same, proper distance. For all she was close and for all she was far, she memorized the way Sakura’s nose wrinkled when she spoke of her brother, the way her lips could pucker if she was trying not to step onto the too long fabric, the way her gaze would widen in wonder, when she watched her own reflection in the high mirror. Tomoyo didn’t need her camera to remember and know every color in light brown hair if the sun set just so and the way those eyes would shine and laugh.
“Tomoyo-chan, could you get the zipper? I don’t think I can reach it…” Sakura seemed a bit flustered to ask and turned her face to look at the ground, holding the front of the strapless, white dress up to her chest. Tomoyo smiled and stood up silently. She carefully held the tuft in place where it draped around Sakura’s shoulders to connect to the slick fabric on her back, and caught the zipper with the other hand. Her fingers were whispering over that slender back, silk opening and falling away to reveal pale, soft skin. Tomoyo watched carefully the way Sakura’s shoulder blades lifted with her breath, the way the afternoon light caught in the curve of her spine, where it melted into the soft curve of her hips.
Recently, maybe Tomoyo felt a bit different about Sakura, after all. It was not that much of a change, but she had never been so aware of Sakura’s body. Tomoyo was closer to Sakura than anybody else, closer than her other friends, certainly closer than her crushes, in some ways closer even than her family. Sakura trusted her with her deepest secrets, and only her. It was a kind of closeness that asked for distance on other levels. And so, Tomoyo wouldn’t let her eyes linger where they shouldn’t, or her fingers touch in improper ways, but she allowed her lips part just a little bit in a quiet sigh, as her fingertips stroked across the fine, golden hair, glinting low on Sakura’s back.
“There, it is open,” she smiled at her friend. “That dress is wonderful on you. You must promise me that you will let me design your dress when you get married. I will make you shine more than any bride can ever shine. Though that doesn’t need much, Sakura-chan, because you are very, very cute.”
And with the eyes of a fond friend, she watched as Sakura sputtered that she didn’t want to think about marriage just yet, and denied the compliment weakly and with a flaming blush. Tomoyo drank in the slight, embarrassed tension that lingered when words had ceased, and the happy pull of her lips that was obvious even from behind. There was that blush rising to her cheeks that continued to her nape and then touched her shoulders ever so softly. Tomoyo leaned in just a bit, and she lifted her hands to stroke the hair back from Sakuras hot face, brushing lightly against the shells of her ears. The girl glanced at her with questioning eyes.
“We should put your hair up, next time you wear it,” Tomoyo said softly and she saw Sakura’s hair move under the exhale of her breath and a low tremble running down her friends back. She let the soft strands slip under her fingers.
“Uhm, if you say so,” Sakura agreed. Suddenly, her body tensed and she sneezed into one hand. “Hah… sorry, sorry…” she said with a dripping nose and an unhappy expression, sniffling a bit.
Tomoyo hid her giggle and handed her a handkerchief from the tissue box on top of her nightstand, so that Sakura could blow her nose. “You really should change into something warmer, I wouldn’t want you to catch a cold…” Tomoyo murmured and turned her back to start looking through the pile of clothes lain out on her bed. Her eyes were scanning the pile of fabrics, frills and lace, silk and cotton…
“Oh, this is perfect!” she pulled out a magenta, soft dress, made from angora wool, that went just past the hips, and then went in search for a pair of warm leggings or tights to go with it.
“I, I thought I would just change back into my old clothes,” Sakura suggested in a resigned voice behind her.
“This will be much warmer and more comfortable,” Tomoyo promised as she found what she had searched for and pulled the long, light-grey stockings out. “And I really want to see this on you. This is easy to wear, so I wanted to give it to you, anyway, I just need to make sure I got your measurements right with this one. I think you have grown a bit over summer,” she felt her smile grow a bit wistful, as she looked over her shoulder and into Sakura’s attentive face. “I’m so glad you’re here, Sakura-chan. I don’t know what I would do without you, everything looks so good on you. You really help me a lot with my sewing.”
And for all her words were true, there was much left unsaid. Tomoyo would search for words that conveyed the intense heat and happiness that just looking at Sakura would give her, without overstepping those careful borders that friendship imposed on her. She would laugh to see Sakura laugh, and her skin was tingling when their hands would touch. And it was her joy to see her friend blush and light up with that internal glow.
Even with her back turned, folding the cloth, Tomoyo could still see her standing there in the afternoon light, white silk flowing against her skin, and in her mind it was not the sun from the tall windows illuminating Sakura, it was Sakura that was shining from within and lighting up the room with her warmth and light.
She turned around, steady smile on her lips, pressing the clothes to her chest. Sakura looked a bit flustered, but happier than even before. “Thank you, then I will try them. Uhm, nobody will come in, right…?” She still held up the strapless dress to her chest, gaping wide open at her back, gaze locked a bit worriedly on the door.
“It will be okay, it’s only me here, my mother is out and I sent the servants away,” Tomoyo said. Sakura nodded at her, her gaze so full of trust that it made her heart ache.
She turned around and let the dress slip off. Tomoyo held her breath a bit, when soft fabric flowed down like water, revealing the hint of young breasts, the curve of her waist, snatching on hips that were starting to fill out, childishly patterned underwear stretching across them. And Sakura was stepping out of that pooling cloth at her feet, her legs folding up and her back bending, her behind wiggling a bit when she pulled her feet free.
“Here is the dress,” Tomoyo offered. “It feels wonderful against skin, and it’s so warm that you won’t need an undershirt.” Sakura nodded a bit embarrassedly and lifted her arms to let the pink fabric it slip over her head. And this time, even while she reached to pick up the white evening gown, Tomoyo couldn’t quite help the way her heart fluttered at Sakura’s small breasts stretching and fading against her ribcage, the way her stomach sucked in and her hips moved. And then her nipples were solid and visible through the thick, fluffy fabric pulled over them, before the soft roll of the wide collar fell down to rest atop and hide them. Tomoyo felt a shiver run down her spine when she straightened and there was a little, hot tug between her legs. Warmth spread in her abdomen, a bit more forcefully than she was used to.
“Oh, it’s really, really soft,” Sakura exclaimed. “It is wonderful… I don’t know thank you, Tomoyo-chan…” And the dress was as perfect on her as her laughter ringing out, bringing out her slender, still naked legs, the curve of her hips, the bright color contrasting her pale skin. And her hair was flying a bit as she turned to look into the mirror, and her eyes crinkled with joy.
“Sakura-chan, you are beautiful,” Tomoyo breathed. Sakura turned to face her, and her nose and ears still red with the blush, and with what might have been a light fever, and her eyes caught the light in their most breathtaking way and were bright green and shining. Tomoyo’s body tingled and the scent of Sakura’s sweet shampoo made her feel a bit light-headed.
And for once, only for this once, Tomoyo let go of her control. Just a bit. Only this time.
She carefully draped the gown across the chair of her dresser, her hands shaking a bit, and then she stepped closer, heart beating wildly in her chest. She reached out, marveled at how fragile Sakuras waist felt under her hands, and leaned in until her friend’s warm breath brushed across her face and their foreheads rested against each other. Their noses were touching at the tips, in a tender, funny way. Sakura’s lips were parted slightly, and so close, not an inch away from her own, soft and a bit moist and begging her close without meaning to.
“I love you, Sakura-chan,” Tomoyo breathed into her mouth, so close, so close, but never, never truly kissing.
Sakura was silent for a second, and then let go of a little laugh that made Tomoyo shiver. She pulled back to wrap her arms around Tomoyo’s shoulders, and then pulled her close, their cheeks touching and their bodies pressing together. Her breath pooled against the side of Tomoyo’s neck and shot down her spine, making it almost impossible to not shift her hips forward just a bit, her body growing hot and tense and wetness spreading between her legs. Tomoyo stilled, head spinning, breath coming short.
“You are my very best friend, Tomoyo-chan,” the answering whisper was. Tomoyo closed her eyes, and carefully leaned in to press her nose into the skin of Sakura’s neck and smell her strawberry shampoo and her sweet, sweet skin, made of almond and milk. She was falling, falling, falling. When had she stopped feeling the ground beneath her feet?
“Yes,” Tomoyo answered in what was almost a pant, and her lips brushed against white skin and soft, pink angora wool, her fingers digging slightly into Sakura’s back, breasts shifting against Sakura’s with every breath. This love was growing into something that was much harder to control, she realized, but she wouldn’t give in. She wouldn’t give in, because this love had never been about her, this love had always been and would always be about Sakura. And a good friend was, Tomoyo thought, what Sakura wanted and what she needed. Until they both were older and could deal with these feelings, and until Sakura was strong and mature and Tomoyo lean on her just a little bit, she would suppress what should not be and could not be reciprocated, and instead she would marvel and cherish at all that was given to her. And she cherished it so much that her eyes stung and a salty tang rose in her throat. This love was everything and it was worth all her devotion, this love that felt like falling forever. And she would never admit that she was scared of what hitting the ground would be like, at that day, when this fragile balance would eventually break. She bit down on her lip hard until her breath was steady and fingers unclenched. And her voice was calm and loving when she answered.
“I will always be your very best friend.”
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The entire way you go about it, moving through these moments of Tomoyo's blossoming sexuality and slowly making her love for Sakura deeper and more complex— it all just tugs at my soul. I love the character even more after reading this story.
Dammit, are you ever going to write something that DOESN'T make me cry?
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I could try and write some more shameless porn... but half of the time, man, I'm such an angst-bomb. I'm writing these things out of deep conviction and concentration, and in the end lose the feeling for how much actually comes through... I didn't mean to overdo it. *snuggles*
Still, it means a lot to me that I somewhat manage to convey the feelings! I honestly admire Tomoyo, not so much for being selfless (because being selfless ISN'T good for her and a lot of it roots in her well-hidden fears,) but for seeing her own feelings so clearly. I wish she will be able to let go and find someone who will reciprocate her feelings in other ways than Sakura can.
Thank you, as always! You're great! *snugs*
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...thanks for the tissue, by the way. XD
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I doubt I could even WRITE shameless porn with Tomoyo in it...*cough*Thank you so much, you're awesome, girl! ;__; *hugs*
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I, uh, oh, wow.
This is maddening, and soft and makes me feel like I am falling; this brings back memories of loving my best friend, so very long ago, and doing every thing I could to just get a little closer even if it was going to hurt me in the end... wow.
I felt a little dizzy ready this, like I could feel that soft sweet heat that Tomoyo felt, and there is such a bittersweet tang to the end of this, that Tomoyo knows she is falling and fast and while the fall is beautiful (because the words you weave make it beautiful) the landing is going to hurt.
Tomoyo is so... selfless; I've been in that situation, I know what it's like to love and want someone before you even know what the words mean, and know there's no way they could feel the same... though I must say, she is such a young lady that she takes the coming pain better than I ever did. Amazing.
Oh. I can't, I can't even flail about this, it's so beautiful.
♥
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...I'm going to admit, writing Tomoyo was so interesting to me because I myself was once in a situation in which the friend I fell hopelessly in love with was entirely out of reach. She already had a girlfriend, and I didn't even think I was attracted to girls, so I simply shrugged off the possibility of actually being in love, and was a hypocrite to my feelings -- I did everything to get a touch, a hug, a glance, and it never was enough. And then, she broke up with her girlfriend, and it all crashed down on me, the way I felt like falling right into her, or my knees turned to mush when she stood close. Sadly, no romance with a happy ending here. :)
I admire Tomoyo for being so clear on these feelings, honestly. And want to whack her across the head for not coming out and talking to Sakura. Even a lady like her can be wrong, sometimes.
Really, thank you so much! &hearty;
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It'll be six years in August for us. ♥♥♥
Please don't cry, it all worked out in the end. And although I know that Sakura is destined for Syaoran, although I know that the brave boy is everything she could ever need, part of me still wishes Tomoyo would open up her heart and just show Sakura what she means to her. I can't doubt she means so much.
I love this piece. Thank you for writing it, so much. Just ♥.
*hugs everyone*
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I'm still looking for someone to be happy with -- the girl I fell for indeed was attracted, too, but sadly too wrapped up in her own problems to deal with a relationship at that time. And I'm unhappy to see her in an unhealthy relationship with a married woman, right now, but I have lost my place to talk her out of it the moment I slept with her and afterwards got rejected.
...never mind me, I'll just sulk in the corner over that some more... XD'
Thank you so much, again! ♥
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(And six years is indeed wonderful, and it just keeps getting better ♥)
You're welcome! And lots of hugs for writing this!
♥♥♥
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Still, I know how it is. I was the one who f***ed up big time — we were mutually attracted to each other, but the other person was coming out of a bad breakup so I didn't push for a relationship. And just as the time was becoming right, I walked away with a psycho who nearly tore my life apart. It took me a long time to get out of THAT disaster, and by the time I did... the good one was gone. I still regret that a lot. So I understand how that feels. Giving relationship advice and encouragement to the person you yourself wanted to be with... But I tell myself I'm worth more than my regrets, and there's still somebody out there for me.
So now that's what I'm telling you. You are worth too much, too wonderful and inspiring and talented, to let regret hold you back. Um, this might be unnecessary. You might already know that. And I'm DEFINITELY spamming your story comments at this point. But I wanted to say that, in case you needed to hear it.
...wow, I'm really weird today. XD Here is a gigantic snuggle to make up for it. *SNUGGLE* Thanks again for writing this story and letting us see more of how brilliant you are!
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